Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Mortality and Mistakes

This blog is a meandering mess. I think of a title and them write a few notes on the subject when I can. No structure, no aim, no real thought. The purpose is to keep me thinking, to enable me to communicate ideas in a reasonably constructive way. So far them I have failed. I guess that this is no different to life. I am a failure at that as well.

Failure? I earn enough. I enjoy my job and my life away from work. Why am I a failure? I am what the HR crew now call a believer. I don't work for money. I am not goal orientated. I believe, I work and live for my principles. I believe in myself. I believe in my abilities. I believe that I am correct most of the time.

Or I did! As I get older I am starting to see the cracks in my armour. I am not always correct. Twenty years ago the previous paragraph would not have said 'correct most of the time'. I would have been correct (in my own mind) all the time. Misunderstanding was for others and not for me. Now I can see that I am wrong sometimes, just like everybody else. But even in my youth I knew I made some mistakes. What I can say is that I know that I always made mistakes. I would not sit back like the shrinking violet but would step forward to declare that the mistake was mine. It was my principle that if I was not correct I should admit it and make sure that it did not happen again.

It was important to me that I admitted when I was wrong. It still is. Yet today I am capable of letting others dig out my mistakes. I am not brave enough to declare the fault. I leave it to others to force the declaration.

I am a failure because I have let my principles slip, I have failed because of my own mortality. Yet it is in this failure that I can now be seen as a more complete person, a better man. Now you see my fault, I try to twist even my failure to be a positive. Am I such a bad man?